FROM THE LA WEEKLY, Via THE SEATTLE WEEKLY: The 911 call wasn't like other 911 calls. On Sunday night, cops were called out to a Beacon Hill apartment building after a woman reported that she'd had urine, feces and vomit thrown on her. When he arrived at her sixth-floor apartment, the officer saw a scene that resembled the aftermath of an overturned Port-O-Potty after Bumbershoot, noting that the victim's "clothing was wet with urine," there were "large pieces" of "soft fecal matter" on her back and a "substantial amount" of vomit in her hair.

Somehow, the officer was able to get a statement from the victim, despite the fact that the "odor made the interview difficult to tolerate." (No shit.) Here's the story he got.

The woman said that someone had called her cell phone to tell her there was something wrong with her car. When she arrived home she found her car was fine. When she started walking up the stairs to her apartment, a man she recognized as a neighbor threw a bucket filled with piss, shit and vomit on her.

According to the police report, the woman and this neighbor had some sort of long-standing beef. It's really too bad that the nature of the beef is redacted. We'd all be better off knowing what not to do so as to avoid getting buckets of crap thrown on us.

Anyway, the fire department was called out to clean up the mess. But -- and this should give you an idea of how big a bucket we're talking about -- they couldn't go through with it, because there was too much crap on the stairs. Instead, they arranged a biohazard clean-up with the manager on duty.

Our suspect remains on the loose. If and when he's caught, he'll be charged with assault by use of noxious substances. I would say a judge should throw the book at him, but it sounds as if he needs something else tossed his way instead.

UPDATE: Mr. Revenge Bucket may hereby be referred to by his Christian name, Ronald V. Ellis.

Mr. Ellis was arrested on Wednesday night. He is 69 years old. Which means he may have had decades to accumulate the necessary materials for his alleged attack. *shudder*

UPDATE: Cheri Monson is the unfortunate victim of the Revenge Bucket attack.

"It was awful. It was disgusting," Monson told KOMO. "I could barely get up the stairs. And when I got up the stairs, I immediately threw up."

Monson said that she and Ellis had a history of arguing. She lived three floors above the man, and he'd occasionally scratch marks on her door in retaliation. But nothing like what he did to her last Sunday.