BUFFALO, NY — In the aftermath of last week's deadly shooting at the Windsor Galleria Mall, many are still struggling to make sense of the indiscriminate murder of 19 innocent people. Though 22-year-old gunman's motives may never be known, some solace can be taken in the amazing story of David Mull, a victim of the bloody rampage who, though seriously injured, heroically dragged himself nearly 50 yards to spare himself the indignity of dying in the shopping center's Yankee Candle retail store.
Mull, whose wife, Brenda, 32, forced him to enter the garish scented-candle store while en route to the food court, said he attempted to run from the shop shortly after hearing the initial gunfire, only to find the killer had moved toward the display of balsam and cedar decorative votives, effectively blocking the exit. The shooter then proceeded to fire a loaded automatic shotgun into the store, striking Mull in the leg and torso and destroying a table full of ceramic potpourri warmers.
"I remember thinking 'This is it, I'm going to die,'" the 34-year-old contractor said from his bed at Buffalo General Hospital, where he is still under observation after sustaining three gunshot wounds, including one that left a bullet lodged in his spine. "Then I looked around at where I was and told myself there was no way in hell I was going to let them find me curled up behind a floor display of Midnight Jasmine Housewarmer jar candles."
"How could this happen to me?" Mull added. "I'm never anywhere near Yankee Candle."
Much of Mull's desperate plight was captured on mall security cameras. In the grainy footage, he can be seen inching his way slowly over the blood-slicked floors and past the contorted bodies of other victims before collapsing unconscious in the entrance of The Sharper Image.
KANSAS, Raytown, A.P. - In a statement released early Thursday afternoon at the Raytown Muffler's and More, Kenny Ray Coble announced plans to drive into Kansas City on Friday and Saturday and "get drunk out of his f---ing mind."
Kudos goes out to Scott. Last December he donated a pint of blood via the Red Cross. They injected his blood into some poor baby who was about to die because she didn't have enough blood in her veins. So Scott saved her life. But now the baby seems to be angry all the time and looks at her mother in a menacing manner. Good Job, Scott.
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I can now reveal after extensive research, that William Shakespeare has a living heir in Hank Brown. After spotting him on a Saturday afternoon drive through Sierra Madre last weekend (a local foothill community in the San Gabriel Valley), I pulled over to interview him. After I asked whether he was related to William Shakespeare, he reluctantly told me, “We’re a family of letters. Words are my life’s blood.” However, in his case they’re anemic, at least according to Professor Alan Youngman, genealogist extraordinaire. “I’ve been tracing William Shakespeare’s bloodline for years,” the professor explained. “Given our foolproof DNA tests, there is no doubt that Mr. Brown is actually Hank Brown Shakespeare, descended from the famed Bard of Stratford-on-Avon.” My exclusive — albeit brief — talk with the only living relative of the poet and playwright was interrupted by local resident Sam Collinsworth — Mr. Shakespeare’s boss — who advised him that it was time to stop jawing and get back to work. As he had done countless times before, Hank Shakespeare made sure his ladder was solidly set, then started climbing the rungs to finish changing the marquee on the Sierra Madre Playhouse.
