Friday, February 22, 2008

Man Announces Plan to "Get F***ed Up" This Weekend

KANSAS, Raytown, A.P. - In a statement released early Thursday afternoon at the Raytown Muffler's and More, Kenny Ray Coble announced plans to drive into Kansas City on Friday and Saturday and "get drunk out of his f---ing mind."

Coble's plans include, but are not necessarily limited to, drinking an unspecified quantity of Budweiser, smoking numerous Marlboro cigarettes, visiting various strip clubs, and driving his 1978 Chevrolet Malibu at high speeds.

When asked for a comment, Coble's girlfriend Chastity Bowe gave the following, "That son of a bitch was supposed to take me and his kid to the water park this weekend. I hate him."

This will be the first weekend in 2 months that Coble will be able to engage in leisure activities due to his responsibilities at Mufflers and More.

"I can't f---in' wait for this weekend. I already told that ho Chastity that I weren't taking her to Magic Waters no more. And she still ain't proved that that kid is mine," added Coble.

Mr. Coble sports a grandiose mudflap.

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