Criminal Defendant Throws Crap and Lawyer

A mistrial in a kidnapping and assault case was declared after the defendant, McGowan, smeared excrement on his lawyer's face and threw it at jurors. McGowan had smuggled a bag of feces into court and spread it on Martin's hair and face before flinging the excrement at jurors. The pooh hit Juror # 9's briefcase, but not his body.

J-Boy Embarasses Firm

Today, J-Boy humiliated the firm. On the way back from lunch he bumped into his former secretary and called her by the wrong name.

Lurch: Confessions From Big Bear Lake

In my exclusive interview with Lurch, I learned a great deal of information about what happened to him this past weekend when he visited Big Bear Lake. In my weekly series, you will learn answers to the following shocking questions:

1. Guess who was "outed" in front of his family?

2. Who fell while skiing down the beginner's slope?

3. Who slept on the porch?

OBAMA NOT LEGALLY PRESIDENT!!

Article II, Section 1, Clause 8 of the United States Constitution requires the president-elect to recite the following language in order to be sworn into the office of the president:

"I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States."

In defiance of the U.S. Constitution, Barack Hussein Obama said,

"I Barak Hussein Obama do solemnly swear that I will execute the office of President of the United States faithfully, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States. So help me God."

He intentionally misplaced the adverb "faithfully" so that it would give him wiggle room to not faithfully execute the office!

He legally is not the president! And, since the U.S. Constitution requires it to be done by noon, the time for him to take the oath has passed and he does not get to take it again!

Joseph Biden is the only one who properly took the oath, and therefore he is the lawful President of the United States!

Obama Fails His Duties Right From the Start

Thank you, Chief Justice Roberts, for showing the world that Barak Hussein Obama cannot think on his feet, and is only good at reciting canned speeches.

Thank You, President Bush

A fond farewell to President Bush. Thank you for your service.

In Rememberance of Lurch

On this day, January 16, in the year 1979, Ted "Lurch" Cassidy died. His ashes were scattered on his front lawn.

The Fecal Jihadist is Back!

How Bob Got Whipped

The Day We Met...
With James Bond-like purpose, I walked into the classroom and noticed that "she" could not take her eyes off of me. She was lost deep in thought as though she had been staring for several minutes. I thought to myself, "she's cute, but she looks a little sneaky." Despite the sneakiness, I approached and introduced myself. I played it very cool - "Hello, my name is Robert, nice to meet you." It was obvious that "she" was taken by my cool, calm, and collected demeanor. She struggled to get the words out - "H,H,H, Hi, m,m, my name is R, Rachel." I engaged in what I wanted her to believe was meaningless, get-to-know-you banter. It was actually deep psychological probing. Every word was carefully calculated to elicit her innermost thoughts. It worked. I knew then and there, that she believed I was the one. To her, it was love at first sight. To me, potential existed, but I was wary of the sneakiness.
The Ensuing Months...
I played the next few months about as smooth as humanly possible, like Cary Grant in his prime. She, like a schoolgirl in love for the first time, became even more enamored. She often asked me to go to lunch with her or to walk her to class, which I did. Sometimes I would carry her books, or give her my coat to wear on cold days (because cold doesn't affect me). Once, I carried her and her backpack to the cafeteria. My Arnold-like strength made her sigh. One day, she asked me to a dance which she claimed was for school credit. I knew that it was a ploy to get me to hold her. We went to the dance and I showed her my Fred Astair-like moves. She said, "I've never seen such masculine dancing." I replied, "that was nothing, I'm actually at my best on a hardwood floor, in a tuxedo."
The Cold Sets In...
The school-year passed and real-life was about to take hold. She was accepted to a graduate program in a land far away in terms of both geography and civilization. She struggled mightily with the decision to leave but I reassured her that as time passed, so too would her attachment to me. Secretly, though, I knew it would make her want me more. She left. Then the cold set in, both physically, because she went to a cold, dark, desolate place, and emotionally because she could not be near me. Many days as she trudged through the knee-high snow, she day-dreamed of my warm embrace. She later told me "those thoughts were the only things that kept me going in that land of cheese, bratwursts, and giants."
She Returns...
Two years passed, which to her felt like two decades. The moment her plane landed, she called. She goaded me into taking her to the beach. I hung up the phone and knew that this was the day she would make her move. I was right. We arrived at the beach sometime after midnight. We took off our shoes and walked down to the shore. A warm, gentle wind wrapped us like a parka that had been sitting next to a fire - it was the warmest she had been in two years. I turned to her and saw that she was already looking at me. She thought, "finally, I have you." Then, with an Audrey Hepburn-like girlishness, she kissed me. I didn't resist. I wrapped one arm around her, dipped her, and kissed her. Her glow reminded me of the ring of light around a full moon.
The Day I knew...
One month had passed since the night on the beach. She had known for years that I was the one. I realized she was the one on a sunny afternoon in a garden. She picked a flower and smelled it. I thought, "she's as gentle as the flower." Her plan to get me finally succeeded.
The Proposal...
I took her back to the spot on the beach. I told her, "your plan worked." She said, "I'm sneaky." I said, "I knew it!" Then, a kiss, and the deal was sealed.

At least I'm still your boss . . . .

BEEF JERKY THIEF: IDENTIFIED

For weeks, Lurch has been beside himself as to who stole and ate all the beef jerky packages in his desk. They were all in a cardboard box. Now the beef jerky thief has been identified! Fortunately, he left his business card in the empty box, which made his capture possible.

Woman Grows Hoofs

This woman did not remove her shoes from her feet for several months, and grew hoofs.

Christmas: RUINED

Lurch's Christmas was ruined by the publisher of this Blog who insulted Lurch by giving him a box of Almond Roca and Snack-Well cookies. "This is a bunch of crap," he said as he gave them away to anyone who happened to pass by.

Frightened for my life, I went out and purchased a case of beef jerky for Lurch, hoping that this time he would not reject my gift. Unfortunately, Lurch did not know of the replacement gift until AFTER Christmas, and thus, to quote Lurch, although he accepted my new gift, "Christmas was ruined!"

Worse, since Lurch has been away for a week a number of people have used his absence as an opportunity to perloin the beef jerky. Now I won't get any credit for the gift.

BBB Temporarily Shut Down By Liberals

For the past couple of weeks, this blog was shut down by Google because it was falsely reported as a "spam blog" by the liberals who kept hitting the "FLAG B LOG" button at the top of the page. They were offended by my anti-Obama, anti-MSNBC content. Fortunately, the left wing fascists have been exposed and the ban on my access to this blog has been lifted!