If you ever wondered which side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test!
If a Republican doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
If a Democrat doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.
If a Republican is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat.
If a Democrat is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.
If a Republican is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a Democrat is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.
If a Republican is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A Democrat wonders who is going to take care of him.
If a Republican doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Democrats demand that those they don't like be shut down.
If a Republican is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A Democrat non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.
If a Republican decides he needs health care, he buys it or chooses a job that provides it.
A Democrat demands that the rest of us pay for his.
If a Republican reads this, he'll forward it so his friends know how to vote in November!
A Democrat will delete it because he's "offended".
Monday, August 23, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
This Seems to be a Common Crime . . . .
An Orange County man was arrested Tuesday morning, accused of ejaculating into his female co-worker's water bottle on two separate occasions.
Michael Kevin Lallana, 31, of Fullerton, is charged with two misdemeanor counts each of releasing an offensive material in a public place and assault, with sentencing allegations for committing a crime for sexual gratification.
If convicted, he faces three months to three years in jail with mandatory sex offender registration.
Lallana was released on $500 bail and is set to be arraigned September 14, 2010 in Santa Ana.
The incident happened on January 14, 2010, at the Northwestern Mutual Mortgage Company in Newport Beach, according to the Orange County District Attorney's office.
Investigators say Lallana entered the victim's office and deposited his semen into a water bottle that was on his co-worker's desk.
The defendant is accused of leaving the semen-filled water bottle on the victim's desk which she drank when she returned to her office.
The unidentified victim, who was unaware of the bottle's contents, drank the contaminated water. She threw it away after feeling sick, investigators say.
Three months later, the victim and six other employees, including the defendant, were transferred to the Northwestern Mutual Mortgage Company's Orange branch. That's where a second incident occurred, according to officials.
On April 9, 2010, Lallana is accused of assaulting the same victim by depositing his ejaculation into another water bottle that the victim left on her desk. The victim took a sip from the bottle, then felt sick. She decided to send the specimen to a private lab to be tested.
The lab contacted her and told her the water bottle contained semen, police said.
The victim then notified the Orange Police Department .
DNA tests confirmed the semen belonged to Lallana. He was arrested at his Fullerton home by officers with the Orange Police Department.
Wired News
The bodies of two babies wrapped in Los Angeles Times newspapers from the 1930s were found in an apartment building basement near downtown L.A. The newspaper headlines featured stories about gangster John Dillinger.
Workers found the bodies Tuesday evening when cleaning out the basement. According to the Los Angeles Police Department, the remains were found with personal letters and tickets to the 1932 Olympic Games in Los Angeles.
The LAPD and the Los Angeles coroner's office are investigating. A coroner's official told The Times that the newspaper-wrapped bodies of the children had a mummified appearance.
The discovery was made in one of L.A.'s oldest districts, a densely populated area of apartments west of downtown Los Angeles near MacArthur Park at the 800 block of Lake Street near James M. Wood Boulevard. Police have launched an investigation, but it's unclear whether anyone who lived in the apartment during the 1930s is still in the area.
Officials will attempt to determine how the babies died -- likely with the help of forensic anthropologists. They will also look for any reports of missing babies during this period and attempt to find anyone who lived in the apartment at the time.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
FROM THE LA WEEKLY, Via THE SEATTLE WEEKLY: The 911 call wasn't like other 911 calls. On Sunday night, cops were called out to a Beacon Hill apartment building after a woman reported that she'd had urine, feces and vomit thrown on her. When he arrived at her sixth-floor apartment, the officer saw a scene that resembled the aftermath of an overturned Port-O-Potty after Bumbershoot, noting that the victim's "clothing was wet with urine," there were "large pieces" of "soft fecal matter" on her back and a "substantial amount" of vomit in her hair.
Somehow, the officer was able to get a statement from the victim, despite the fact that the "odor made the interview difficult to tolerate." (No shit.) Here's the story he got.
The woman said that someone had called her cell phone to tell her there was something wrong with her car. When she arrived home she found her car was fine. When she started walking up the stairs to her apartment, a man she recognized as a neighbor threw a bucket filled with piss, shit and vomit on her.
According to the police report, the woman and this neighbor had some sort of long-standing beef. It's really too bad that the nature of the beef is redacted. We'd all be better off knowing what not to do so as to avoid getting buckets of crap thrown on us.
Anyway, the fire department was called out to clean up the mess. But -- and this should give you an idea of how big a bucket we're talking about -- they couldn't go through with it, because there was too much crap on the stairs. Instead, they arranged a biohazard clean-up with the manager on duty.
Our suspect remains on the loose. If and when he's caught, he'll be charged with assault by use of noxious substances. I would say a judge should throw the book at him, but it sounds as if he needs something else tossed his way instead.
UPDATE: Mr. Revenge Bucket may hereby be referred to by his Christian name, Ronald V. Ellis.
Mr. Ellis was arrested on Wednesday night. He is 69 years old. Which means he may have had decades to accumulate the necessary materials for his alleged attack. *shudder*
UPDATE: Cheri Monson is the unfortunate victim of the Revenge Bucket attack.
"It was awful. It was disgusting," Monson told KOMO. "I could barely get up the stairs. And when I got up the stairs, I immediately threw up."
Monson said that she and Ellis had a history of arguing. She lived three floors above the man, and he'd occasionally scratch marks on her door in retaliation. But nothing like what he did to her last Sunday.
Somehow, the officer was able to get a statement from the victim, despite the fact that the "odor made the interview difficult to tolerate." (No shit.) Here's the story he got.
The woman said that someone had called her cell phone to tell her there was something wrong with her car. When she arrived home she found her car was fine. When she started walking up the stairs to her apartment, a man she recognized as a neighbor threw a bucket filled with piss, shit and vomit on her.
According to the police report, the woman and this neighbor had some sort of long-standing beef. It's really too bad that the nature of the beef is redacted. We'd all be better off knowing what not to do so as to avoid getting buckets of crap thrown on us.
Anyway, the fire department was called out to clean up the mess. But -- and this should give you an idea of how big a bucket we're talking about -- they couldn't go through with it, because there was too much crap on the stairs. Instead, they arranged a biohazard clean-up with the manager on duty.
Our suspect remains on the loose. If and when he's caught, he'll be charged with assault by use of noxious substances. I would say a judge should throw the book at him, but it sounds as if he needs something else tossed his way instead.
UPDATE: Mr. Revenge Bucket may hereby be referred to by his Christian name, Ronald V. Ellis.
Mr. Ellis was arrested on Wednesday night. He is 69 years old. Which means he may have had decades to accumulate the necessary materials for his alleged attack. *shudder*
UPDATE: Cheri Monson is the unfortunate victim of the Revenge Bucket attack.
"It was awful. It was disgusting," Monson told KOMO. "I could barely get up the stairs. And when I got up the stairs, I immediately threw up."
Monson said that she and Ellis had a history of arguing. She lived three floors above the man, and he'd occasionally scratch marks on her door in retaliation. But nothing like what he did to her last Sunday.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Victim
Thanks to the stubborn obstinacy of Lurch and J-Boy, we took a different (and wrong) route to the restaurant, and as a result, I got nailed by a pigeon.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Bush Derangement Syndrome
Sally Quinn told CBS News that losing the 2000 election to President George W. Bush may have done the Gore marriage irreparable harm.
According to FoxNews, The Gore breakup now joins a laundry list of things President Bush has been blamed for, including a head-butt at a World Cup soccer match, the African baby boom, the Gulf oil spill, and the Sheryl Crow-Lance Armstrong break-up. And let's not forget Hurricane Katrina and the 9-11 terrorist attacks.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Arlen Spector Loses!!!
What joy!
The guy who switched parties to save his seat lost it.
Whoever seeks to save his life will lose it . . . Luke 17:33
Friday, April 2, 2010
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
The Big Fucking Deal
First we had Theodore Roosevelt's "Square Deal"
Then we had Franklin Roosevelt's "New Deal"
Now we have Barak Hussein Obama's "Big Fucking Deal" aptly named by his idiot VP
Then we had Franklin Roosevelt's "New Deal"
Now we have Barak Hussein Obama's "Big Fucking Deal" aptly named by his idiot VP
Friday, March 12, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
Dee Dee is in da HOUSE
TAMPA, Fla. — The woman already facing charges related to the death of a Florida Lottery winner was charged Friday with first-degree murder.
Hillsborough County detectives have filed the first-degree murder charge against Dorice "Dee Dee" Moore, 37, in connection with the homicide of Abraham Shakespeare, Sheriff David Gee said.
Moore was already in the Hillsborough County Jail, charged as an accessory to Shakespeare's murder.
Monday, February 15, 2010
People I'm Glad Are Still Alive
Jesus Christ
Billy Graham
John Wooden
Abe Vigoda
F. Lee Bailey
LAPD Chief Daryl Gates
Peter O'Toole
Jack LaLane
Judge Joseph Wapner
Nancy Reagan
Lauren Bacall (only because she was Humpry Bogart's wife)
Your list?
Billy Graham
John Wooden
Abe Vigoda
F. Lee Bailey
LAPD Chief Daryl Gates
Peter O'Toole
Jack LaLane
Judge Joseph Wapner
Nancy Reagan
Lauren Bacall (only because she was Humpry Bogart's wife)
Your list?
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
PRIDE DAY Comes Early for These Two
International Rule of Manhood #2 - "Under no circumstances are two men to share an umbrella -- ever."
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