Gay NIV Broadens Bible's Appeal

GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Zondervan Bible Publishers, publisher of the New International Version (NIV) translation of the Bible, is publishing a revised version aimed at a homosexual audience. The editors made subtle changes throughout the text to "provide more entry points for gay readers," says Brad Ebbelstein, Zondervan director of marketing. "There's a lot of ambiguity in the original text, so with the gNIV we felt at liberty to make different assumptions based on the perspective of homosexual readers," says Ebbelstein. For example, he says, in the standard NIV the passage about a rich young man who asks Jesus how to gain eternal life reads, "Jesus looked at him and loved him." In the gNIV, this is changed to, "Jesus looked at him and was supremely attracted to him." The Study Version also asserts that some of David's Psalms were written to his homosexual lover, Jonathan. In side notes King Saul is depicted as a father who couldn't accept his son's sexual preference. "It's about bringing this inspired book up to date and making it culturally relevant to a segment of the population which, frankly, feels condemned by most other Bible translations," says Ebbelstein. Other Christian leaders have not weighed in on the issue, but gay leaders applauded the new translation. "There's a bunch of us who can't wait to rub that oiled-down leather book all over our hot, naked bodies," said Maurice Fritzson of Gay People for Fair Treatment. "We applaud Zondervan for taking our perspective into account when translating the Good Book. You might say this version is NIV-positive."

Not to be outdone, Absolut Vodka, still reeling from the bad publicity sparked by its pro-Reconquitsa advertizement, has introduced in limited markets a gay-friendly version of its Vodka.

Man Set-Up By Ex-Wife and Her Male "Friend"

FULLERTON (BBB) Gregory Abbott, a 31-year old high school history teacher was jailed this week when police, acting on an anonymous tip, found a shotgun and marijuana in his car in the school parking lot at Sunny Hills High School in Fullerton. It has now been determined he was actually the victim of a setup a la Marion Barry. Police now want to talk to Mr. Abbott's estranged wife and her male "friend. " The nightmare started when Mr. Abbott was yanked out of his class last Tuesday by cops who said they wanted to search his car after cops received an anonymous tip. Innocent Mr. Abbott was cooperative and let the cops search his car. They found a shotgun and a small amount of drugs. He was arrested and taken to the Fullerton City Jail, and posted $25,000 bail. He said the gun and drugs were not his, and a follow-up investigation revealed his innocence. Police now say they are investigating who framed Gregory Abbott. He said to reporters,"Nothing even close to this has ever happened to me," he said. "I come from a good family with a good background. To have the police come tell me that there's a shotgun in my car . . . I can hardly believe it even now."

The Verdict is in: Lurch Loves "Sex and the City"

After attending the world premire of "Sex and the City," Lurch gushed that it was a "cinematic triumph!"

The Obama Family Looks Forward to the Day When Their Daughters Can Enjoy a Partial Birth Abortion

"Look, I've got two daughters. 9 years old and 6 years old. I am going to teach them first of all about values and morals. But if they make a mistake, I don't want them punished with a baby. -- Barack Obama.

Don't cross me, Barack! I'm gonna be in charge when we get elected. I've got some ideas.

Ted Turner Predicts Future of Cannibalism After Seeing Movie

On April 1, 2008, left wing nut case Ted Turner said to left wing nut case Charlie Rose that global warming will turn humans into cannibals in the future. "Not doing it will be catastrophic. We'll be eight degrees hotter in ten, not ten but 30 or 40 years and basically none of the crops will grow. Most of the people will have died and the rest of us will be cannibals."



Sound familiar? It should. He based his prediction on the 1973 motion picture staring Charlton Heston, Soylent Green. The plot: The year is 2022. New York City has become overpopulated with 40 million people and the "green house effect" has caused the earth's temperature to have risen and all natural resources have been destroyed, leaving 40 million people starving. The Soylent Company has create a new food product, Soylent Green. It's secret ingredient is human flesh.

ATJPLM Family Trust LLC to Host Firm Party at the Beach House

J-Boy Nearly Loses Eye Playing With Knife

About 2 weeks ago, J-Boy was multi-tasking at home: Eating pizza, watching TV, and playfully throwing a sharp Bowie Knife up in the air and catching it. Suddenly, as the knife reached its arc, J-Boy was momentarily distracted by the loss of a piece of pepperoni that slid from his pizza. That was all it took. The knife came down and landed between the bridge of his nose and his left eye's tear duct.



"The worst part about the whole thing," he sadly said during my interview, "was that I ended up dropping the whole slice of pizza on the floor, and it landed on the good side, too." After reflecting on the whole thing for a few moments, he added, "You better not put this on the Blog!"

Sen. Byrd Cries Like a Girl

Muslims Engage in Wave of Fecal Jihad

Islamo-Nazis are at it again. Now it's Sahnoun Daifallah, 42, of Gloucester, England. He was arrested last Friday after a substance, believed to be a mixture of his own urine and feces, was sprayed over fruits and vegetables at a supermarkets in Quedgeley and Abbeydale. Two days earlier, the Muslim Daifallah used an improvised device to shower hundreds of children's books at a book store in Cirencester. He is also charged with releasing the liquid over food in the Air Balloon pub, near Cheltenham. The eventual bill for cleaning up the mess at the various stores and replacing the food and products would come to hundreds of thousands of dollars. He used a "squeezy sports bottle" in the attacks, which contained a "very smelly, brown, unpleasant substance."

This case is reminiscent of a February 2008 inciden tin which Muslim Pizzaria shop owners, Saeed Hasmi and Jan Yadgari, "accidentally" sold chocolate cake with human faeces on top. Must be a new muslim icing recipe. Of course these "culinary specialists" admitted the charge but have no idea how the cake got those brown "sprinkles" on top - guess they were airborne."

This kind of Muslim terrorist attack also happened in Dallas, Texas, where Behrouz Nahidmobarekeh, 49, was sentenced to a mere 5 years in prison for throwing dried, grated feces on pasteries at a supermarket. Police said that during an investigation, they found a pile of human feces by his bed. Investigators believe Nahidmobarekeh would dry the feces, either by microwave or just letting it sit out, grate it up with a cheese grater and then sprinkle it at the store. A young boy, maybe 3 years old, was later seen on the surveillance tape, eating one of the defiled cookies.

There appears to be a nasty and disgusting pattern emerging - Muslim men conducting a bodily waste Jihad.

Obama Wants to Micro-Manage Your Live

Over the past weekend, Barack Hussein Obama has exposed himself as a totalitarian socialist who thinks it is within the perview of the government to control what kind of car you drive, how much you eat, and how warm or cool you may keep your own home: "We can't drive our SUVs and eat as much as we want and keep our homes on 72 degrees at all times ... and then just expect that other countries are going to say OK. That's not leadership. That's not going to happen." Since when is the government allowed to make these personal choices for the people? Since when are "other countries" given the option of saying whether our personal choices are OK?

As defined by Wikipedia, "Totalitarianism (or totalitarian rule) is a concept used to describe political systems where a state regulates nearly every aspect of public and private life. The term is usually applied to Fascist Italy, Nazi Germany or hard-line communist regimes, such as Stalinist Russia, Democratic Kampuchea or North Korea. Totalitarian regimes or movements maintain themselves in political power by means of an official all-embracing ideology and propaganda disseminated through the state-controlled mass media, a single party that controls the state, personality cults, central state-controlled economy, regulation and restriction of free discussion and criticism, the use of mass surveillance, and widespread use of terror tactics."

Sound familiar?

Man on Trial for Assault Deprived of Lawyer!

Criminal defendant William Lehman didn't think his court-appointed lawyer was doing a good job defending his assault trial, so he beat him up in the middle of the courtroom. Mr. Lehman had asked the judge for a new attorney, but the judge said no. So, after the jury returned from a break, Mr. Lehman beat up public defender Mark Groettum in open court by putting him in a headlock and repeatedly punching him in the face. "Blood was all over Groettum, the counsel table and the floor of the courtroom," according to a court document. t The judge, Hon. James Florey, felt that Mr. Groettum could no longer be Lehman's attorney. Mr. Lehman asked for another lawyer, but the judge turned him down, so Mr. Lehman was forced to represent himself for the rest of the trial. The Minnesota Court of Appeals agreed with the judge's decision, writing in a published opinion that a defendant gives up his right to a court-appointed lawyer when he beats up the one he has.

He and Michelle Know What's Best

He is the messiah. Don't question him. Don't criticize him.

Don't make him feel uncomfortable or answer difficult questions.

When Mrs. Obama was asked a tough question, the Princeton and Yale educated attorney could only angrily mutter in response, "This conversation doesn't help my kids."

There Will Always Be Cowards Among Us

Coward and deserter Matthis Chiroux says he was the kind of young American US military recruiters love. "I was from a poor, white family from the south, and I did badly in school," the now 24-year-old told AFP. "I was 'filet mignon' for recruiters. They started phoning me when I was in 10th grade," or around 16 years old, he added. Chiroux joined the US army straight out of high school nearly six years ago, and worked his way up from private to sergeant. He served in Afghanistan, Germany, Japan, and the Philippines and was due to be deployed next month in Iraq. On Thursday, he refused to go, saying he considers Iraq an illegal war. Drawing on his legal expertise and analysis, he stated, "My decision is based on my desire to no longer continue violating my core values to support an illegal and unconstitutional occupation . . . I refuse to participate in the Iraq occupation." Funny how he never had a problem being in the Army until he was going to be sent in harm's way, far from the strip clubs and bars.

May 15, 2008: Sodom and California

On May 15, 2008, the supreme court of California overturned the will of the people who, in 2000, overwhelmingly approved Proposition 22 which codified the Biblical mandate on marriage, affirming the ancient tradition that it is a union between man and woman. California now joins the ancient cities of Sodom and Gomorrah in the ash heap of history for choosing accomodation over truth.

Genesis 2:24: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."

Leviticus 18:22: "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is an abomination."

Romans 1:26-32: "For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their perversion."

Jude 7: "Even as Sodom and Gomorrha, and the cities about them in like manner, giving themselves over to fornication and homosexuality, are set forth for an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire."

Isaiah 5:20: "Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!"

May 15, 2008, a sad day of infamy in the Republic of California.

The Churchill of Our Time

"Some seem to believe that we should negotiate with the terrorists and radicals, as if some ingenious argument will persuade them they have been wrong all along. We have heard this foolish delusion before. As Nazi tanks crossed into Poland in 1939, an American senator declared: 'Lord, if I could only have talked to Hitler, all this might have been avoided.' We have an obligation to call this what it is -- the false comfort of appeasement, which has been repeatedly discredited by history."

The passivist (not pacifist) Democrat candidate, Barack Hussein Obama, expressed hurt feelings in response to President Bush's remarks, as did many prominent members of the Passivist Party. Why did they think he was talking about them? I guess they were stunned that their "Village Idiot" slapped them in the face with the irrefutable truth of a mirror where for the first time they saw themselves as others do.

From the 7/24/07 YouTube Debate:

QUESTION: In 1982, Anwar Sadat traveled to Israel, a trip that resulted in a peace agreement that has lasted ever since. In the spirit of that type of bold leadership, would you be willing to meet separately, without precondition, during the first year of your administration, in Washington or anywhere else, with the leaders of Iran, Syria, Venezuela, Cuba and North Korea, in order to bridge the gap that divides our countries?

OBAMA: I would. And the reason is this, that the notion that somehow not talking to countries is punishment to them -- which has been the guiding diplomatic principle of this administration -- is ridiculous.

Michelle Picks Her Nose and Sets us Straight

Battle of the Sexes

Pastor Minning: Obama and Rev. Wright are Lovers

More Evidence to Support Obama's Candidacy:

http://wrb-myblog.blogspot.com/2008/04/why-i-support-hillary-and-barack.html

Seatbelt the Beer, Not Infants

An Australian driver was fined $650 for putting a seat belt around his beer rather than his five-year-old child. Constable Wayne Burnett said he was "shocked and appalled" when he pulled over the unregistered car. The 30-can box was strapped in between the two adults sitting in the back of the car. The child was with them - sitting on the floor. "The child was sitting in the lump in the centre, unrestrained," PC Burnett said. "I've never seen anythig like this before. This is the first time that the beer has taken priority over a child," he said. PC Burnett pulled the car over near the Australian town of Alice Springs to check if alcohol was being smuggled into an aboriginal settlement where it is prohibited. The man was fined for driving an unregistered and uninsured vehicle, and for failing to ensure a child was wearing a seat belt. "The concern is about people's priorities," a police spokesman said. "It is very unusual to see someone strapping in beer."

Wrong again, liberal news media! This is NOT unusual. It happened to 46 year old Tina Williams of Florida. The glassy-eyed Williams, who reeked of alcohol and subsequently failed a series of field sobriety tests, was traveling with two passengers in the back seat of her 1982 Ford station wagon: a 20-year-old woman and a 16-month-old infant, who was neither in a car seat nor somehow belted in. However, Williams did make sure to secure the vehicle's other precious cargo. As noted in the below St. John's County Sheriff's Office report, deputies discovered that a 24-pack of Busch beer was placed in the front passenger seat and "was seat belted in." Williams, who was charged with drunk driving and child endangerment, said, "I don't know," when deputies asked why the child was not safely restrained. She claimed to have "had a few" when asked if she had been drinking. And when asked for her license, Williams replied, "I never had one."

Bill O'Reilly Curses Out Staff

Femminized Pentagon Considers Purple Heart for Hurt Feelings

Long before WWI, WWII, Korean, Viet Nam, Iraq and Afghanistan, Gen. George Washington created the Purple Heart to honor troops wounded in combat. But with an increasing number of troops being diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, the "modern" and increasingly effemminite military is debating an idea Washington never considered -- awarding one of the nation's top military citations to veterans with "psychological" wounds -- also known as "hurt feelings syndrome." Even Defense Secretary Robert Gates offered support for such a change on a trip to a military base in Texas this month. "It's an interesting idea," Mr. Gates said in response to a question. "I think it is clearly something that needs to be looked at." WTF??

Schmitty Enjoys Brutal Prostate Massage

This journalist is shocked to report that Tuedsay morning a man known to him as Schmitty enjoyed a prostate exam. Was it a hot nurse who gave the prostate exams?

NO, it was not. Althouth it would be considered by most men to be a brutal experience, not for Schmitty.



He had no second thoughts . . . .


"I enjoyed it," he reported. "Come to think of it, last time I went to the doctor and got a prostate exam, performed the final part of the exam with both hands firmly placed on my shoulders. I always wondered what he was doing . . . ."

Batman v. Joker: Surf-off

Why are Batman and Joker wearing swimming trunks over their costumes?

Why America Will Always be the Superpower

Just when you think it can't get any funnier . . . is does.

Insane Bridge

Stoners Use Corpse's Head as Bong

Three idiots are accused of digging up a corpse, decapitating the body and using the head to smoke marijuana. Matthew Gonzalez and Kevin Jones and an unnamed minor have been charged with the misdemeanor offense of abuse of a corpse, said Scott Durfee, a spokesman for the Harris County District Attorneys Office. On March 15 the stoners went to an Humble cemetery, dug up a man's grave, left with the head and turned it into a "bong."

Lunch & Movie with the Girls

He did it again! He spent the lunch hour with the women watching a chick-flick! And he is unrepentant. And he ate an apple for lunch.

Australian Liberal Party Leader is a Pervert

Troy Buswell, the leader of the Liberal Party in Australia, has refused to resign after admitting that he sniffed the chair of a female member of parliament after she stood up. The perverted incident happened in 2005.


He dismissed allegations on 13 different occasions that he had sniffed the seat, before finally admitting that it had in fact taken place. Mr Buswell’s deputy, Kim Hames, stood by him, describing him as a rough diamond with a "robust sense of humor." Other members of the Liberal party said privately they were disgusted by the whole episode, but would not challenge Mr Buswell as leader of the Liberals because there was no better candidate.


The woman at the centre of the row, who wants to remain anonymous, said the seat-sniffing saga happened at Mr Buswell’s office in the Western Australian state parliament. The MP had done it to get a laugh from colleagues, she claimed. “I was shocked and outraged and I told him,” she said. He has previously admitted to snapping a woman’s bra as a drunken party trick and has been accused by a retiring Liberal MP of making sexist remarks to her. "So what? What's wrong with being sexy?" he said after the accusations were first levied.

Liberal Dem Super Delegate Steve Ybarra Auctions His Vote to Highest Bidder

Democratic Party super delegate Steve Ybarra has offered to sell his vote as a super delegate for $20 Million. Although on his website "Steven J. Ybarra J.D." claims to be a retired attorney who "specializes in management consulting for public and private industry," the State Bar of California has never heard of him. Also, anyone who has actually passed the bar exam does not use "J.D." after his name; he will use "Esq." Steve Ybarra is basically a political hack who probably either flunked or never took the bar exam, but who has ingratiated himself with the DNC Hispanic Caucus. He says the $20 Million price is peanuts for the presidency. When asked whether it was right to offer his vote for sale, he said "Yeah, absolutely. People do it all the time." When asked whether he would he accept a lower price, such as $5 million, he answere, "No, $5 million is nothing."

He Prefers it Clean

The Antarctic is a Lonley Place - Even for Seals, as Seal Rapes Penguin

Actual photo of seal raping penguin in Antarctica.

As reported by the BBC today, an Antarctic fur seal was observed trying to have sexual relations with a king penguin. The South African-based scientists who witnessed the incident say it is the most unusual case of mammal mating behavior yet known. The incident took place on Marion Island, lasted for 45 minutes and was caught on camera. Why the seal attempted to have sex with the penguin is unclear. But the scientists who photographed the event speculate that it was the behavior of a frustrated, sexually inexperienced young male seal.

"At first glimpse, we thought the seal was killing the penguin," said Nico de Bruyn, of the Mammal Research Institute at the University of Pretoria, South Africa . The plus-sized seal first subdued the petite penguin by lying on it. The penguin flapped its flippers and attempted to stand and escape - but to no avail. The seal then alternated between resting on the penguin, and thrusting its pelvis, trying to insert itself, unsuccessfully. After 45 minutes the seal gave up, swam into the water and then completely ignored the bird it had just assaulted, the scientists report.

Blogger's Note: In the seal's defense, Antarctica is the only continent in which Bill's Blunderful Blog has not been accessed, and thus, was probably board.

Why Rev. Wright Matters

A lot of people in the Drive-By Media are complaining about the negative publicity that Barack Hussein Obama has received as a result of his racist mentor Rev. Wright. It has been suggested that the attention is unfair because he is Obama's former pastor, and that Rev. Wright is his own man.

First, the only reason Rev. Wright is Obama's former pastor is because Rev. Wright retired, not because Obama left the church after he and his family sat through the racist tirades.

Second, Rev. Wright is relevant, because Obama will not take a position on anything, and he has never accomplished anything and has no record. Therefore, we have to evaluate Obama and predict his future actions by the character of those with whom he has chosen to associate for over 20 years, such as Rev. Wright and the American Terrorist William Ayers. That's fair.

False Rape Accusation Leads to Murder, Prison

Tracy Denise Roberson, a 37 year old woman from Texas, has been convicted of manslaughter in the death of her lover, the late Devin LaSalle. In 2006, Mr. Roberson's husband returned home late at night to find his nearly-naked wife in Mr. LaSalle's pickup truck. When the adulterous wife realized she had been spotted, she started screaming that she was being raped and jumped out of the truck. Mr. LaSalle then began to drive away, but the protective husband, Darrell Roberson, shot and killed the man he thought just raped his wife. Although initially arrested for murder, a grand jury refused to indict him and the wife was charged instead. On May 3, 2008, Tracy Denise Roberson was convicted of manslaughter and will face 2 to 20 years in prison. A key piece of evidence was a text message the adulteress sent to Mr. LaSalle inviting him to the residence that night.

The Church of Oprah Denies Christ

Cheaters Never Win; They Get Mocked

Alert Bank Teller Stops $360 Billion Check from Being Cashed.

Charles Ray Fuller, aged 21, and a resident of Texas, has been busted for trying to cash a partially hand-written fake check for $360,000,000,000 (that's 360 billion). He asked that it be paid in $20s and $100s. An alert bank teller, however, contacted the account holder to verify the endorsement and learned the account holder was the mother of Mr. Fuller's girlfriend, and that she did not give Mr. Fuller permission to cash the check. In addition to being charged with forgery, Mr. Fuller was also arrested for weapons and drug charges after cops found about 2 ounces of pot and a small pistol in his pocket. The bank's manager said in an interview, "We are very fortunate to have such well trained tellers. Had the check been cashed, it would have been devistating to bank, and I don't think the overdraft charges we would have collected from the account holder would have been enough to cover our loss." The bank manager said he would have to double check that, though. Had the check been cashed and paid in $100 bills, he would have needed a large bag, because $360,000,000,000 in $100 bills is roughly 143,554 cubic feet, or the size of Noah's Ark to give you a better reference.

800-889-8776 SHOPPERS DISCOUNT RIP-OFF

Beware this company. If you've ever ordered a product on-line, chances are you will find an unauthorized $10.00 charge on your credit card statement from Shoppers Discount. I just noticed this charge and called the number to find out who they are and what they did to charge me $10.00. The lady on the phone could not articulate what Shoppers Discount does, or what they did as a business model, other than charge $10.00 to unsuspecting saps. After she agreed to cancel the charge and stop my "subscription" she asked me if there were any other questions I had. I did have a question, and so I asked her, "Yes, WHY AREN'T YOU IN JAIL? WHY AREN'T YOU IN JAIL?" She hung up on me. So I called my credit card immediately and found out these scam artists were charging me a $10.00 subscription fee for the past 3 months! I did an internets search and found they pull this scam a lot. BEWARE.

LA City Councilwoman Janice Hahn Funds LA Gangs With TAXPAYER MONEY

Anti-Little League Baseball Field Crusader and Left-Wing Liberal Los Angeles City Councilwoman Janice Hahn, who was elected to public office solely because of her last name, has either demonstrated how corrupt or how incompetent she really is. She is paying LA gang members with taxpayer money for no apparent purpose other than to appear progressive to her liberal base.

Watch the news story below for more details.

The Sickest Picture I've Ever Seen

Bracing For Another 6 Months?

After a certain someone was seen walking about town in short-shorts, rumors began circulating that this certain someone is planning to take another 6-month hiatus.

Lurch Enjoys Chick Flick at Lunch

Lunch time rolled around today and Lurch was nowhere to be found.

The fellows were going out for burgers, fries and cokes.

Maybe even some steaks.

Where was Lurch? We found him hiding in a conference room with a couple of women watching a chick flick. Lurch was even eating an APPLE and plain yogurt! He said he only wanted "lite lunch."

He refused to say which movie he was watching, but he was clearly showing a sensitive side as he wiped a tear from the corner of his eye sobbing, "Why do men hurt the women who love them?" Then he talked about "empowerment" and women being "strong" and "intelligent."

(actual photo)