The Future

Steak on a Paper Plate

Today Scott and I ate with PDiddy to celebrate at a world-class steak house, so what do you think Scott ordered? You got it. "I will have your hamburger, please." While PDiddy and I had medium-rare ribeyes, Scott was served up this fancy-shmancy hamburger. It was too big to hold, so he had to cut it up. The buns were like loaves of bread. It didn't even look like a hamburger.

A Christmas Tragedy Part II

A Christmas Tragedy

Ingratitude

It's that time of year again when wives get real sneaky about what they want for Christmas. Take last year for example. I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas and she told me she wanted earrings, preferably diamonds. Basically, a diamond is a shiny rock that she can show everyone is a symbol of how much her husband loves her. So I decided to kick it up a notch. I went out and bought her an entire star. There's this company that must own all the stars because they advertize them for sale on the radio. They give you an official deed and it even gets put in a book that is recorded in the United States Government Copyright Office, according to their ad. I was floored by her ingratitude on Christmas morning. We fought and argued, and finally I ended the discussion my yelling, "Hey, woman, I bought you a STAR!" That shut her up, because that's more real estate than can fit on the entire planet. She can look at it any night she wants. This year I am going to get her something worthless, like a card.

Monica is Mean

This morning, my oldest daughter Monica was mean to my youngest daughter Arianna. Monica ripped a Hannah Montana sticker off Arianna's wallet for no reason. Monica is in TROUBLE.

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My First Blog

You know what cranks my gears? People who bug me. That's what. Like Leighton. He made me part of a dancing elf e-mail and made me one of the women elves.