BREAKING NEWS . . . . .

For 2 days, this journalist has refrained from publishing a shocking story involving a local police officier. I can now report that this officer, who shall only be identified as "Dustin," was seen in a local family restaurant voluntarily carrying his wife's purse. When he realized he was about to be photographed, he attempted to "embrace" his feminine side and snuggle the purse close to his bossom, yet paradoxically, he attempted to make a show of masculinity by "flexing" his underdeveloped bicep. I am attempting to obtain his side of the story -- if there is such a side -- before publishing this photograph.